V: Hi welcome back Females of Filadelphia readers! Today’s story is one that I know so many people will relate to, and I think is so important. This is the story so many people need. My guest is Naomi and she is a constant reminder to people that you need to seek for the beauty in yourself no matter the circumstance. But before I give too much away, why don’t you tell us about yourself Naomi?
NAOMI: Hi, I’m Naomi. I’m the youngest of three in my family. I’m the last one to go to college. I’m five years apart from my sister and six years apart from my brother. I’m a senior psychology major and Spanish minor, currently applying for grad school, so I’m pretty stressed out all the time. It’s a very busy semester. But I love school. I love being busy and having a rigid schedule because that’s how I am most productive. I’m 21 but I don’t have much of a social life right now because I’m busy with school (we can relate Naomi haha). Besides school stuff, I love keeping a healthy lifestyle. I love running and working out and going to the gym; I try to get that in every morning. I love eating healthy, and sometimes when I make fun foods I share it on my Insta too (@watchme_naynay, for all you wondering). And I’m really interested in the field of mental health and advocacy of mental health due to my past experiences. This is why I’m going to grad school. I want to focus specifically on eating habits and weight stigma because it is something I have struggled with myself.
V: I love it I think people should study what they’re truly passionate about. So this is a very vague question for the readers but Naomi, when did it all start?
NAOMI: I totally know what you’re getting at and I definitely appreciate this interview because I put a little bit of my story out there because I do not want to trigger anybody. But my story is really real and I try to put my stuff out there not for the likes or the comments, but for the people that message me individually and are changed by my story. Those are the people I do it for because I think I can make a difference. But for me, I struggled with an eating disorder all through my teenage years. I kept it really really quiet, even though it was obvious based on my physical appearance. I was diagnosed when I was in eighth grade. My mom picked me up one day from school because she was really concerned about my eating habits. She brought me to the doctor and that’s the day I was diagnosed. They did a bunch of tests and weighed me a bunch of times, and I didn’t even know what an eating disorder was. I was really confused and in denial. All through therapy, we tried to find a point to where it all started, and all I could remember, not saying that this was the moment that caused my eating disorder, but in my middle school’s track team, they would have weight classes similar to the ones they have in wrestling. I remember in 7th grade, I was in the 90 pound weight class and not many girls were in that class because when you’re in 7th and 8th grade you’re really starting to develop. But in 7th grade, there was four of us in the 90 pound class, and we were really good. Come 8th grade, I was just over 90 pounds and I was put into the higher weight class, and there were more girls in that class so it was more competitive. I didn’t feel like I was as good as those girls. The whole season I tried to get down into the 90 weight class and towards the end of the season I was 92 pounds. I was almost there. And we were going to counties and I wanted to be in the relay with the girls in the lower class. My coach actually told me if I could lose two pounds over the weekend, I could be in the 90 pound class and go to counties with them. I just thought “HELL yes!”. That weekend I told my mom that I was going to go on runs and watched what I ate. She wasn’t really a fan of it but she told me to just do it for this weekend, and told me I’d have to eat a lot after. And it spiraled from there. All through high school, I struggled and went to treatment twice. Two summers in a row. I was cut off from any physical activity in high school because of my severe low weight, until about senior year. They thought I was ‘healthy enough’ to go back into physical activity, but when I look back at the pictures I know I wasn’t really healthy enough. But I was happy because physical activity was my outlet to get all my stress out, so that helped me mentally. But it wasn’t until about freshman year of college that I really felt recovered, whatever that means to you. In my mind, there’s no such thing as being recovered because I struggle every day, but it isn’t as much of a problem and doesn’t affect my life as much anymore.
V: Before your mom took you to the doctor, did you ever realize something was wrong?
NAOMI: I just had no idea anything was wrong. I was 13 or 14, and would be weighing myself constantly and really watching everything I would eat. I used to not let my mom pack my lunches. I would pack my own lunches and would just put a couple strawberries and a yogurt in my lunch. And when I got to lunch I would pretend I wasn’t hungry even though I didn’t have breakfast that morning. I would just eat a couple strawberries and throw the yogurt away. And then I would go to track practice and run, run, run. I would go to the gym on weekends and run about five miles on the treadmill. And I wouldn’t eat anything or even drink water because I would just convince myself I wasn’t hungry. Or I would make an excuse saying I had already eaten. I was afraid to drink water. Because drinking water would make me bloated. I was checking myself in the mirror all the time to make sure I had a flat stomach. The first time I was in treatment, I didn’t even know what was going on when I was in treatment. My parents admitted me into treatment without my consent. When it was time for me to get out of the car, I refused. They brought the cops over and I was threatened to be handcuffed. That’s how bad it was. I just didn’t believe I had a problem. I thought that treatment center was a psych ward. I was not going in there because I was not crazy. The first treatment didn’t really help because I didn’t think I had a problem. Also, I was missing the first three weeks of high school which made the mental part of this disorder worse. So my parents took me out of treatment. When I went back to school, people asked where I was. So I told everyone I had mono, and I became the girl who had mono. But I think physically people could tell I had more than just mono. It wasn’t until the next summer that I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. And I told my parents it was time to go back to treatment. The second time was definitely better.
V: Other than what your track coach said to you, were there other comments people made to you that you think contributed to your weight loss? Or was it more about you comparing yourself?
NAOMI: I would definitely compare myself. That’s something I still struggle with today. But I was never overweight when I was younger; I was always a pretty healthy weight. So no one ever commented about my weight, but it was after I started losing a lot of weight that people would start commenting. Things such as “wow you’re so skinny” and “you’re so fit”, and I would be so happy and think “wow they think I’m skinny and they’re beautiful, so I’m going to keep going”. And that just made me lose more weight. But I don’t remember any comments about my weight before the eating disorder.
V: What do you think was the hardest part of your recovery?
NAOMI: We live in a society that’s so obsessed with losing weight that it’s actually hard for girls that want to gain weight. My doctor prescribed me a meal plan that was super high fat, because I wasn’t eating the quantity but whatever I did eat had to be high in calories. But I would go to the grocery store, and everything was zero fat or fat free or zero calories. It was actually a big struggle to gain weight. But also I think the hardest part was mental and about my body image. After I got to a healthy weight again, I started having more trouble with that. Through treatment, I never really blamed body image because it was always more about the food I was eating. I was afraid of the amount of food I was eating. But later in my recovery, when I started getting to a healthier weight, body image was a difficult thing because we idolize a certain type of body. First it was the thin girls, then it was the curves and now it’s more the athletic type. It keeps changing and it was hard for me to find a body type that I felt comfortable in. Finding that balance between eating, enjoying life, and being able to exercise was so hard. In treatment, they were really focused on me just gaining weight to be healthy, and after that they focused on the mental aspect of it. But they never really taught me how to balance all of those. When I got out of treatment, I was fine and I was at a healthy weight and going to my therapists, but it was hard for me to find that balance: the balance of wanting to eat healthy and wanting to enjoy my comfort foods, but then also exercising. Of course then came freshman year of college when you tend to gain some weight, and I didn’t want to gain weight, but I didn’t want to relapse again. I’m still trying to find that balance for me. That’s the most difficult part for me.
V: Balance is so hard to find, yet it’s the most important part of life, I feel. Thank you for sharing so much of your story though. Now moving forward, I want to talk a bit about what you do for NEDA, can you tell me a bit about that?
NAOMI: NEDA, the National Eating Disorders Association, has a bunch of walks and it wasn’t until I was in a better place with my disorder that I got involved with the organization. I went to a couple of walks with my mom, and I realized it was an organization that was trying to spread awareness and reduce the stigma. I really loved the organization and the walks they put on so I knew I wanted to get involved. There was actually a walk happening at the University of Delaware, and I live close to the Delaware border, so I contacted the woman in charge and asked her if she needed any help. She emailed back and told me they were looking for speakers. And so I built up the courage and knew I had to share my story. I met with her a couple months later and I put together a story, my story, and I shared it for the first time publicly. And after the speech, I just remember people coming up to me crying and hugging me. I thought about how I barely knew these people, and how sharing my story with them made us feel so connected. That’s when I realized there’s more people out there than I realized that also struggle with an eating disorder. When you’re going through a mental disorder, you always feel like you’re going through it alone. It was just crazy for me to realize how many people I connected with, and how many people I influenced. Two years later, I got involved with the Philly NEDA walk by helping with collections. Last minute, a speaker dropped out and I got the opportunity to speak again. Each time I share my story, I realized, I inspired more and more people to share their story. I was also involved with another walk this past weekend and I just think it’s a great organization.
V: That really is amazing. I encourage everyone to go out, and join a charity or organization that they’re truly passionate about, it’s so important to get involved. What would you say has been the most important thing you’ve gotten out of your whole experience?
NAOMI: I think the most important part of it all is loving yourself. My favorite word is beautiful but with the dividers in the world to say be-you-tiful. I love that word because it’s a reminder to love yourself for being yourself. That’s why I wanted to get involved with Aerie as a brand ambassador and help spread awareness about their campaign #AerieReal. So many young females, idolize these people that we see in the magazines and what we don’t realize is how photoshopped or unhappy they are. Just love yourself the way you were born. I wish somebody told me that early on, because you look in the mirror and you can easily name five things you hate about yourself, but can you name five things you love about yourself? At least for me, I struggle with that. I put reminders all over my mirror and room to remind myself to continue loving myself and to not compare myself to others. Don’t try to change yourself and feel good in your own body. It’s nice that I have a brand like Aerie to back me up.
V: That’s so true. And this is a message to anyone who’s read this far, you really do need to love yourself. Once you gain that self-love, I assure you everything else really does fall into place. Okay time for my fun question, what’s your favorite restaurant in Philly?
NAOMI: It really depends on cuisine, because there’s so many great places. But I’m Jewish and there’s a really good Jewish deli in the city and it’s called Famous 4th Street Deli (right behind South Street, on Fourth Street) and it is AMAZING. They have these giant sandwiches, and it’s just so good. It’s not expensive either, the price you pay is worth it. Like some sandwiches are $20, but they can last you for four meals, no joke. I will show you a picture *shows me picture as a gasp*. I have a whole list of restaurants I want to try in the city.
V: Wow that food looks incredible. Now I want to get myself a sandwich. Honestly, if you just read this entire thing, please go get yourself a sandwich! Anyways, thank you so much Naomi for being so transparent and sharing your story for my blog, it really means a lot. I hope other females will be inspired by this, and use this as motivation. For all you readers out there, make sure to follow Naomi and her journey to more self love @watchme_naynay. And stay tuned to @femalesoffiladelphia because maybe someone you know is featured next!